Break The Silence

By Gregory De Vries

To Question, To Express, To Accept / Tisens!!geu #uisens,U!oesns

The first relationship you need to balance is the one you have with yourself. Know your HIV status and your own worth and learn to love yourself first.

Many of us have yet to discover how powerful our thoughts are. Being HIV positive should not hold back your realisation that you can still live a normal life. (Which by the way is what?) Realise that until you change your thought of yourself you are one step to becoming a better, more beautiful, intelligent you, who is more valuable to your family and your community, regardless of your HIV status. So for this month BTS what you to be grateful for your life, that is the first step. Are we going to be victims in life or are we going to go out and make the most of everyday. Contracting HIV/ AIDS may feel like the end but let me tell you all it is a new beginning for you and your family. This month I give you a reflection on the way I see the word Victim, because I believe that we all can overcome whatever we face in our life. Victim – a word we hear all too often. In recent years I’ve noticed a shift in healing circles and support groups to a new understanding of what it means to be a victim. Not to what makes you a victim – we still need to be aware of and act to change these situations. No, we are changing our personal response to our experience as victim.

We have all experienced this suffering in our lives – whether emotionally, physically, economically, politically, socially, stigma because of your HIV status and even spiritually. We feel violated, injured and wronged. We feel anger, fear, hurt, even despair. We may even feel shame. We often blame those who abuse us as well as ourselves, our families, our community and our society – those that let the abuse happen to us.

I have learned about the need for more than healing – we also need to forgive and remember. Healing itself is often an individual path – recognizing the stages of grief/ healing: denial, anger, bargaining, despair, acceptance – letting go of pain, anger and blame. Why letting go of blame? Because to blame is to give up some of your power in the situation. If “they” did it and “they” are totally responsible for the situation, then there is nothing we can do to change it, we can ONLY wait on a change of heart in THEM.

Responsible is an interesting word – it means able to respond. We can be responsible FOR a situation – we did it, it’s our fault, it is within our means to change it. Or we can be responsible TO a situation – we recognize it and can, of our own power and will, do something about it. In order to heal when we suffer as a victim, we can choose to become responsible TO the circumstances and change our behaviour to reduce the chances of it happening again. And healing is not only letting go of the pain, but also learning how to receive – the healing treatment, love, energy, and other help we deserve – and return to a healthy engagement with life. Forgiveness is not something to be taken lightly. It requires deep knowledge of yourself and the other person, or people, involved. ‘Physically taking the bullet out of the wound’ is only a first step. I believe it is also important to remove the emotional and spiritual “bullets” we have suffered from. Ironically, all of these “bullets” hurt everyone involved – the “victim”, the “abuser” and the community as a whole. BC’s Truth and Reconciliation process may be stalled by the resignation of one of the panel, but we as a province need a successful reconciliation process to heal from the mistakes of our past.

We need to remember activism against abuses is not merely about blame – although it may appear so at times. It can be about ensuring that the abuse doesn’t happen again. Heal yourself, be part of healing the community, and join with others to change the way we do things so no one else becomes a victim. We will need all the wisdom of healing, forgiveness and remembering that we can muster to live through the coming times of a changing planet. We can all see the dying of the trees and hear about the deaths of wildlife, we all know someone who has died from cancer, someone who is waiting for a life-giving operation, we are all hurting from the growing economic challenges of recent months. We can all feel angry and hurt about “them”, whether it is the government, the stock market, the large corporations, you name it.

I suggest we all learn to heal, forgive and remember. Take personal responsibility where it is possible. Let go of all the baggage about “them” that continues to injure us. And join together to “look back to decide how to do it better the next time” and heal with the planet and each other.

BTS know: It’s thought that up 95 percent of people who have HIV will suffer from anaemia (not having enough red blood cells) at some stage. If you have anaemia you’ll probably feel tired all the time and find it difficult to get out of bed. You could also suffer from headaches and dizziness. It’s essential to see a healthcare professional if you’re experiencing these symptoms so that it can be treated. You should eat more iron-rich foods such as green leafy vegetables, beans, lentils and lean red meat and drink lots of water. If the anaemia is severe you may need to take an iron supplement or medication. Sometimes anaemia is caused byan anti-retroviral medication, which may then have to be changed.

SOME BTS TIPS: Five Pillars to your Victory

1 Health: Understand the factors of good health and commit to lifestyle adjustments. Eat a balanced diet, treat minor illnesses as they arise and if on ARV please take off time daily

2 Excellence: Excel and produce quality in all that you do. Being HIV + does not mean you can not do good .I know you can do well in everything you do.

3 Knowledge: Use awareness as a tool to free yourself from unhappiness because hope is there for you

4 Honesty: Be honest to your partner at all time about your sex life and life in general.

5 Value: Understand that you are valuable, and do not be afraid to make your point or share your opinion.